Counting On My Hands

Goodbyes keep flashing through my mind
I feel its time that I called you back
Did I forget about your birthday again?
I don’t where I was last year
Sitting in the dark again
Counting on my hands

What a time to be alive
I ignore my phone
And act like its not my fault
That I’m on my own

Where are the words to say I tried
And not sound like I’m lying
How do I say that Im ok
Without having my voice break

What a time to be alive
I ignore my phone
And act like its not my fault
That I’m on my own

All these books have made me dumb
I don’t go outside
I don’t know how to run
Forgotten friends pile up around me
I won’t throw them out
I can’t live with nothing

One Step At A Time Lyrics

What’s that running straight through my heart?
Wants to tear from me like an alien
God, now it’s breaking
Not doing it’s job right
I’ll act surprised, i’m not made of stone
Am I?

One step at a time
I make for the shoreline
I’m not afraid of drowning
But being a ghost while I’m alive
I keep on changing
But my features all stay the same
Am I losing my reflection to the ocean again?

Swap my body with the shape of a clone
Trade my face for something the mirror doesn’t own
I don’t mind aching
As long it’s not mistaken for love
All I have is shades of grey
Once my blue fades away

One stop at a time
I make for the shoreline
I’m not afraid of drowning
But being a ghost while I’m alive
I keep on changing
But my features all stay the same
Am I losing my reflection to the ocean again?

Liquid Wandering

The fingers of my mind
Flounder and falter
Failing to cling to these memories
Those which flee from the terror in my eyes
My sight retracing lines and times gone by
Times which I was certain of having a firm grasp of
If it weren’t for these gelatinous claws
Scraping at the distance
Coming back with dirty fingernails
The kowhai, camellia,
Pine sap and Kaka
Whistles from the hollow of a tree trunk
The one seen from afar that should be committed
Treasured scenes why do you leave?
Searched for in wanting adventures
In appreciation
To appreciate sitting among ferns and bark and decaying foliage
To let the light oil ether of hard woods linger on nostrils
Breathing deeply to bring it into oneself and transmute its essence into experience
I read the wood clearing a poem at the gate
Prayers to say goodbye with a promise to meditate on
What was absorbed in meeting
Nature trends towards absorbing or absolving
To resolve and grow onwards
To reach and come back haunted
Flee from me memories
I would like to see myself growing as a blossom
But my skin receives me
We will learn to make do
The same as how I adjust my speech when I speak
To a child
To a beast
I will change my language to be understood by the world
The streets are turbulent
They absorb you and throw you about the tundra
To suffer the current and watch others be washed away
All there is to reach for is floating mirages
Which sink all the faster as you scramble to find solace inside

12:29

And here I was considering
Myself invincible
Bonding with an empty seat in a cafe
Reading coffee grains
Like tea leaves
Drinking page leaves burning with the
Oil spills of bookshelf dreams
And wishful thinking
And invented identities
These fragmented images
Assuming the character of my youth
My mistress Fate caressing my bones
Destiny the slavedriver
Owner of my soul
Oh rapture
I thought myself invincible

Imagine and Tonic

You shouldn’t ask people to touch you
They’ll take too much
Your skin, your insides
You shouldn’t ask people to touch you

I could tell you I saw
A black cat with only three legs
With two eyes, different colours
But I would be lying
I may have seen it in a movie, maybe
Or someone
Told me about it
In a dream, or described it in story
About make believe things
And I believed it

So when you ask me why
I don’t want to speak
Or see anybody
It’s because I live with so many inside
That when silence arrives I must take it
And let the imagined exist without sides

The Season

It’s that time of year
I know because people are arguing
Over food preparation
And stressing over appearing merry
That’s why there is an ample supply of
Liquor, and sweets, and meats
Covered in glazes
Eye glazes
The glaze of a drunken revery
The dead gods of consumption need sacrifices
The heavenly plastic oil wasteland overflows
Affluent effluent waste